yea, that life thing...

IT's so gay, am i right?

I'm glad you and Riley talk about life now. I'm glad he's coming around. I feel like he must realize how lucky he is to have you... right? You're pretty fucking great, i mean, you're sort of a whiny bitch when you're about to have your period, but like, it's not in a bad way. He just needs to give you gummy bears and be like 'hey, i DO love you' and you're like 'oh ok' and you guys can watch lifetime movies... Should I tell him that? Does he know about the gummy bears?

I wish we could go watch bad rom-coms. Can we find a way to see Breaking Dawn together on opening night with thousands of teenagers, i really feel like I need to do that with you. Also, no matter who I'm dating or married to or fake dating for publicity or like engaged to or whatever, if I'm famous by the time Breaking Dawn comes out, and I'm going to the premiere... you're going with me. Same goes for High School Musical 4 and Camp Rock 3 and if there's every a feature for iCarly... JUST SO YOU KNOW. Normally I would abbreviate that, but I wasn't in the mood.

I'm in one of those moods where old people aren't cute.. you know the one? Like, I'm not MAD or anything, i'm just like 'ugh, you're so old right now' or like 'dear baby, why can't you talk yet?!' you know what I mean?!?!?

ugh. old people and babies.

Jaykay but srsly.

I can't believe you were like 'i'll see you soon' AND THEN LIKE BLYTHE WAS LIKE DO YOU WANNA COME TO CHICAGO AND THEN IT WAS LIKE HAPPENING

I'm really excited to see you. I miss you a lot. It's sort of weird being here b/c everyone is so busy. I mean, I'm busy as fuck too, but it's like, i dunno, a different kind of busy. There isnt really anyone I just sit around with. You know? Every time someone wants to hang out it's like GOING to get dinner, or GOING to a show, or MAKING dinner, it's not just sitting on your bed and watching top model. There's something so simple about that AND I MISS IT.

I feel like this blog should be called 'omgimissyou' b/c that's all i talk about...

Did I tell you about this speedpainteR? I feel like we talked about her breifly. Can we have a phone date soon? Usually when I talk to you on the telefono (that's how you say telephone in spanish) i just wanna LOL, you know? but I GUESS WE SHOULD UPDATE EACH OTHER ON OUR ACTUAL LIVES AND HOW WE'RE LIVING.

you know?

can we please figure out a way to get you here soon?

This whole life thing...

I really don't like it sometimes. Like worrying about money and bills. Blah. But sometimes, like that awesome night you just described, nothing else matters except living. And I love those small world moments. I take it as a sign that you're supposed to be where you are meeting those people. Like whenever I'm in CVS buying 99 cent Arizona Green Tea and Michelle Branch comes on, I KNOW I'm doing something right.
I know that I'll see you soon. I can feel it! You'll be super happy and rich and so will I. Oh, remember that time you hung out with Charice and didn't personally inform me? BECAUSE SHE'S GOING TO BE ON GLEE AND I NEED TO HUG HER. She's hugged Oprah. I hope you touched her. Legally.
Riley and I got a little drunk last night and I asked him all the questions that I've had on my mind for a long time. And he had some pretty good answers.And he said "I think we would be great parents, I really do." And I almost cried. I wonder if he would admit to that stone cold sober? He has become more open as we've dated longer, and I really like that about him. Sigh.
Miss you, best friend.

Dearamandalester.blogspot.com

So. I don't really have much to say this morning... o fuck.. it's 3pm..

So. I don't have a ton to say this afternoon, but I wanted to let you know about my night last night. If we were in Chicago, you might not have joined me, but you'd have asked about it this morning on your way to work.

Did I tell you I randomly met this girl at a bar (omg shoot me now. what an awful way to start a story) her name is Lisa, but Shervin and I kept calling her CupCake and when we were driving home we kept yelling 'cupcake' out the window really dramatically. So, it was fun, whatever, the next day i tweeted about her and I got a text from this girl from Canada. She and I sort of not really know each other, but she was in NY this week, and turns out she's couchsurfing in the same house that CupCake is couchsurfing... WTF. SMALL FUCKING WORLD.
Anyway, I hung out with them last night. A small group of awesome people. it ruled. We went to a rooftop and hung out until sunrise. I don't remember the last time I saw a sunrise, forgive me if we were together. I mean, besides driving to Charleston or whatever. I don't remember the last time I sat down and just waited for the sun to rise. It was a pretty cool thing.

CupCake and I talked a lot about the future and shit. Like, I really wanna be successful. And mostly it's because I'm tired of having to be far away all the time. Like, sometimes I want to go see a jennifer aniston movie with my dad. Sometimes I wanna watch webby wednesdays with you. Sometimes I want brynn to give me 8 new rooney cds. Sometimes I wanna go to a thrift store where shit will be under 15$. Sometimes I wanna sit down and play Miley songs with you on the guitar over and over and then put one up on the internet b/c we are the best. I wanna be able to do what I want. I don't even care about being famous, I just wanna be rich as shit. I just wanna be able to buy you things like the new Jewel CD whenever I want, b/c that shit is funny and what's life without LOLs?

I love you too much.
I wish you were here every 2 minutes.
<3
D

I miss you more at night time..

but like, in a friend way.

Like, remember when we watched that shitty church version of High SChool Musical? Didn't we fucking trek in the rain for that shit? Or am I confusing two of our dates? I know we watched the first 15 minutes of that movie, and I know we trekked in the rain for some movie, maybe I just want the story to be dramatic.

Anyway, I miss making bad decisions with you. By bad decisions I don't mean mistakes I regret, I mean literally watching bad tv shows or movies and eating pizza from dominos and french fries from mcdonalds and drinking a milk chug and feeling like a 400 pound homeless man. Bad Decision = Good Memory.

I think 'you'll have an excuse to come to italy' was riley's way of saying 'i really love you' ... I'm sure you know that, but sometimes boys don't get it. God Damn I hope you guys get married. If only to see Riley and I wear bow ties at the same occasion again. We look soooo good. Plus, I would have a really good speech prepared, hopefully I wouldn't have to say it in front of anyone, but I'd still have one.

How is it 230 already? I don't know why I can't get to sleep lately. I think I hate sleeping alone, so, I don't go to sleep until I'm so tired I have to pass out.

Tonight I went to dinner with these two really cute gay boiz who have been together for 11 years. They still really like being around each other and it's so wonderful. It also makes me insanely jealous. They worked on the MTVTJ thing and Kristin (lu) came with, so it was super fun and we all had MTV talks and they had all these stories about celebs and it was fun. Also, Robert (one of the boys) said Logo is looking for a host, I don't know for what, but I have a meeting with Logo on Tuesday, so hopefully it'll be to give me a job where I make a million dollars (logo doesn't make a million dollars). Like halfway through dinner Kristin and I were under the impression that Robert and Pat thought we were dating and I was wondering how to slip in that we weren't dating, but it was soooooo weird. So we just LOL'd about it later, b/c we couldn't figure out how to make it clear. Whatever. It was just funny. Like how everyone who doesn't know you and I well enough thinks we're dating. AAAAnd probably half of our graduating class thinks we're dating. Siiiiigh.

Did I tell you I ran into Beth Simmons at Publix? It was really funny, she was really excited to see me, and I didn't know if we should hug or what, it was slightly awkward and she called you Allison, which was funny and I was like "I mean, allison is doing great, but I think you mean Amanda" And she was like 'oH YA, i always mix their names up, but like, I mean amanda, of course" or something an dI was like "Yea, they basically look the same" and in my head I was thinking "but allison looks like the downy version of amanda" and LOLing to myself.

uuugggghhh I miss you so hard. I think I'm gonna hang out with Victoria soon. I'll probably just talk about you the whole time.

nightbestfriend

UGH WHY DO WE SHARE BRAINS.

I think one of the most memorable moments of our friendship was when we went to Argo and you told me you and Em had broken up. And then we cried. To tribal music. That, to me, is a significant moment in my life.

I don't know if I'll be able to stay with Riley if he's gone for a year. I think it all depends on how he views our relationship. Right now, I'm pretty unsure about his long term commitment to me, and I think he is, too. He did say "Well, you would have an excuse to travel to Italy!" and I said "Yeah, I just have so much money and all I need is an EXCUSE to go to Italy". That shut him up. See how I can be a bitch? I'm lucky I'm attatched. I wouldn't want to date anyone other than him. I love him so much and he makes me feel gooey and mushy and another rotten fruit word. I just know he's young and wants to do so much with his life and art and I just can't force babies and love and marriage on him now. But in 2 years....maybe.

Money sucks so much. I wish I was still in college and my mom gave me money to spend and I didn't have any bills except for my $500 max credit card I opened when I was a senior in high school. I don't think I'll ever be able to stand having a teenager because I'd envy them too much. I'd make them pay rent. And utilities.

Can we run away together? And raise a family? Our kids would be so sassy. And they'd be all " Momma D who was that guy Momma A had over last night?" and you'd be all "That's her boyfriend. Mind your own fucking business." and they'd be like "Imma tell Momma A you cursed" and then you'd raise your hand to slap them and they'd run from the room. TRUE LOVE.

I knew you were mad at me...

I totally knew, I always know. I think I tried to talk about it, but I'm also passive as fuck, so it was just awkward.

There's a part of me that wishes it hadn't happened that way, but at the same time, I didn't realize how unhappy I was until I wasnt with Emily. Not that she made me unhappy b/c she's fucking awesome and incredible and I loved what we had together. I just wasn't doing anything outside of Me and Emily, and then there was Allison. And I did all the things I wanted to do, yet could also have an awesome relationship. Then I realized I was afraid of commitment, and now I don't know where I am.

I don't want a relationship. I feel good without one. I told Kristin (lu) I'm afraid Darcy is going to start liking me. I hope that doesn't happen. I really enjoy her company and don't want to have to say 'i dont like you like that' to anyone else. I just want to be for a while. I need to figure out me without a someone. Lu said I need to stop surrounding myself with people. But I love people, and when I'm alone, I feel like I don't know what to do with myself.

I wish you could just move to Italy with Riley. I mean, you prolly could...right? Would he want that? Do you guys talk about that? I wish he talked about his emotions more. Maybe he'll go to Italy for a year and you'll just love each other from far away and it'll be hard, but it'll be ok. I mean, there's no one else you want to date, why wouldn't you at least try it?? But that's me, the queen of long distance relationships.

I wonder if Hillary and Zack are going to move away? Like, what do they both want? What does Hillary want and why isn't she Lo Bosworth's best friend? I know you love Lo, but I feel like Hillary and Lo would be really good together b/c Hillary would hate when Lo was dumb and it'd be really funny.

Remember when I was going to ask Emily to marry me?
I wonder where I would be in my life right now, if I had. I 100% believe I am meant to be here right now, things are going where they are supposed to, that's for sure.

I also feel a little lost and selfish. I want to be working on my career, but my career is at the hands of other people, so I'm doing a lot of waiting. I feel selfish b/c I feel like I've hurt a lot of people. I hate that I hurt Emily. The other day I was listening to that song Lauren Zettler wrote about me and emily. "Love" and I couldn't hold it together b/c it was too much sad and I still feel like a shitty person.
ugh.
i miss you. I wish we were watching Gossip Girl and you were explaining why the blonde girl was kissing that older guy.
Loveyouduh

Dear Darnell

I feel like my life here is so boring without you. I mean, I have fun and eat food and spend too much money at Target, still. But I haven't laughed really really hard and loud since you moved. Yes, I will move to NYC when you get rich and famous. If you buy Janet her own apartment so I can at least come over without dying. DY.ING.

Riley is still perfect. I can feel myself getting bitchier around him sometimes, but I think that's just my uterus getting angry it's not with child. He's applying to an artist's residence in Italy, and if he gets it he's gone for a year. And I don't know what to think about that. It's so exciting for him, but a year is SO long. Like SOOOOOOOOO long and I don't think I'd want to date someone in Italy. But we'll come to that when the time comes I guess. It's hard to get excited for someone when you know your feelings are going to get hurt or it's going to make you lonely, you know?

I think it's smart that you're not dating anyone. Just stay single and figure yourself out for a while. Spend time with friends, watch bad movies, paint your nails alone while you watch the CW online.....I just described my weekends. I did think you moved on from Em to Allison too fast, and I was kind of mad at you about it. I don't know if you could sense it or not. I'm too fucking passive. Just take time to figure out who you are and what kind of person you're looking for that way next time you are in a relationship, maybe you won't have to break it off.

Living with Emily is pretty perfect and Deanna is really sweet. Hillary and Zack are constantly at eachothers throats because they're both at the point where they want to do something different with their lives, but they don't know what. Sigh.

I miss you so hard it's not even funny. When you're famous and then get me famous (like Selena and Demi) you'll have the city house and I'll have the beach house and we can visit eachother all the time. Ok? Good. Secret that shit.

So....

I don't know if I ever told you this story, in fact, I'm almost certain I havent.
BUTTTTT
(hahabutt)

When I was at Winthrop on of my closest friends, Alex (who is one of the only ppl i keep in touch with), was convinced she had a crush on me, and i was like 'no you don't' and she was like 'it just sucks b/c you won't even try' and i was like 'wtf' and she was like 'why can't we just date for a while and see if it works' and i was like 'alex, you're not gay, like, AT ALL' and she was very sad. It's really funny to think about now. Like, we were talking about it a few months ago and laughing really hard b/c she's engaged to this boy now, and its really funny to think about the time when she had a huge crush on me and i was like 'you're striaght, calm down'

anyway. I'm telling you this b/c that's probably the only time I actually told someone 'no' when they wanted to date me. Usually I just date the person b/c like...if they like me, why wouldn't I want to date them, you know?

The girl I told you about in the last post asked me on a date, and I said no. The thing is, bestfriend, I can't date anyone for a while, remember how since i started dating people I didn't really stop? It's like the six months between amy and anna gail where you and I ate cheezits all the time and watched 90210 and Top Model and bad movies? Best 6 months of my life.

I miss you, I wish you were here. I'm trying to make Kristin (LU) be my stable/straight best friend. I feel like if I don't have a straight girl to keep me in check, I'll die.

Which is why you should move here.
When I'm rich and famous will you just come live with me for a little bit??

I love you.

I can't sleep

That's annoying.

It's like one of those stupid nights where i've been tired all day and I laid in bed at like midnight and now it's like almost 130 and i'm like so tired but i can't sleep.

also, the last text i received just said 'h8' and I was like whaaaaaaaaaaa. It was from this girl, who i haven't told you about, who has a giant crush on me, and it's complicated b/c i'm like not in the mood to even try to date anyone. I've been completely honest, but like, I enjoy her company and lols, so she's all 'should i stop talking to you' and i'm all 'i dont want you to, bc you're cool' and then i just finally basically told her i'm not going to date her, and she was cool about it, then she was like 'h8' and i was like 'wtf' and there was no explanation. So, I don't know what it means, and I hate girls. I wish I was just straight and I could date boys without emotions.

I guess I don't wish that. I'd probably be equally as confused and hurt. BOYS ARE DUMB BUT ALSO GIRLS ARE DUMB. But also, I think I want to be celibate for the rest of my life. Bc that way I never have to deal with it, or I do deal with it and I just say 'i don't date or bone...soooooo' and it's over. RIGHT?!?!

Can you pledge celibacy if you're not a boy? I always felt like Celibate meant "I'm not gonna use my penis"... but i'm sure it doesn't.

Kristin (everyoneisgay.com)'s sister has this blog called insomnialy.tumblr.com and it's really funny. She had an entire post about the world being monopoly.

ALSO. I just read postsecret. jesus. that shit is still going on. bitches are still sad about shit and other bitches are still turned on by weird shit. I love postsecret, but like, it's basically always the same.

I hope I can go to sleep after I write this.

Remember election night? When Obama won. and we (me, you, molly) were literally steps from the park where he gave his speech. We were on a bus, when we found out he won, and we were so excited. We grabbed doritoes and ran to your apt to watch him talk about how much he ruled.
That was my favorite Hanson Concert.

I love you,
Best Friend

I MEAN GUESS WHAT.

Nothing really.
but kristin. Kristin who I work with kristin, not kristin from everyone is gay kristin.

Kristin Luszcz is who I work with and Kristin Russo is from everyoneisgay.com

So, I was asking Kristin Luszcz (fucking christ her last name is a bitch to spell, I'm gonna call her Lu from now on) about one-night stands and she said everytime she tried to have a one-night stand it turned into a real relationship, and that led to her explaining the three LONGEST RELATIONSHIPS OF ALL TIME..and then Lu said "I stopped sleeping with people because apparently my vagina is made of gold and people fall in love with me"
and I lol'd and wished you were here b/c YOU WOULD LOVE HER.

1. no we are not dating
2. no she is not replacing you
3. god dammit why won't you move here.

Anyway, I hope you really do start a blog for me, at least so you can tell me everytime Riley brings you flowers. Why is he still perfect?!

Remember when you dated Henry for 4 years and it was the worst? Remember when I dated amy and she sucked, and you didn't even really like Allison that much. but you did like Emily and now you guys live together. What's it like having Deanna around so much? She rules. She's really funny.

I hope you're happy right now.

Hey Best Friend.

So. I'm ready to be famous. I wish Vintage Gramma would have just gotten famous so I could just be buying shit right now and not worrying about money. I literally have no clue how I'm going to pay my phone bill. LIKE WHAT IF MY PHONE GETS CUT OFF. IT'LL BE LIKE I'M A POOR PERSON.

how embarrassing would that be.

I only talk to anyone via text message.

Anyway, I'm going to use my dads credit card to pay it off.

Can you believe I still have a credit card for emergencies, what am I, 17?? ugh.

So, can you and i run away together in a best friend way? Would that be weird? we can make it really dramatic and throw our phones in the water and skip off like we're in love, but then not be in love b/c we're best friends. I LOVE BEING BEST FRIENDS WITH YOU.

Remember when we were in 7th grade and you had a cast and braces and your hair was always in a pony tail? and I was too skinny for my own good and had like 5 snaggle tooths and my friend thought she was a cartoon? We've come so far from there...but like... we're basically still the same.

I wish you were here. You'd love it here. You'd like brooklyn a lot. Plus, we could ride around and listen to Miley in my car.

i love you.

Dear Amanda

So, today I hung out with Darcy again. Which was pretty cool. Remember when we hated her.

She's the best now.

Every time I hang out with someone it makes me miss you.

Like, I love having Darcy here b/c she's the only person who has actually known me for more than a few months. Zettler has only known me for like a year...which is weird to think about, b/c she knows me really well. but still.

There's this creepy old asian lady that lives below our apartment, and apparently today she was standing outside of our door all toothless and god-fearing. You would've loved the story Liz told, there were sound effects.

Also, I want you here to be apart of my life and the things that are happening. I know we'll be back together again (janet jackson) really soon, but like. I do'nt wanna live apart of my life and then bring you back in. I want you HHHEEERRREEEE to live it with me.

MAYBE IN THE FUTURE YOURE GONNA COME BACK YOURE GONNA COME BACK AROUND